his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im part way to drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
