i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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