Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
