I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
