I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
