We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
