people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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