just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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