Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
