WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
PANTIES FOUND
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