my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
