Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
