i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize