just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize