is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
