Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
