Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
