This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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