I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
