bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
