God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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