I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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