Nicole vs. Life
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
