the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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