Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
