im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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