forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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