Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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