You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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