Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
