I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
