It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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