listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
