You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize