Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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