Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
