my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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