yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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