Screwed.edu
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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