If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
