GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
