My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
