Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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