Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
