I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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