he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
