I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
