i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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