Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
