Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize