Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
