Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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