I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
