so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize