you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
