im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
