I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
