I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
