1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
