the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
