It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
