your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
