I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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