i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
