my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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